Rising to the occasion

In times like this, I sometimes find myself lonely. Unnecessary emotions claim me for reasons I just cannot comprehend. I truly needed the right people to tell me things that I need to hear, not things that I want to hear. It is really hard to let me have an epiphany because my barrier is too fortified. I need to be hit right at the core. The person who can do that, only 2. One have already passed away. The other saved my life again.

It is really a long and lonely road that I am taking. The things I have to go through are really mortifying at times, up to the point where I question my capacity to handle such stuff. But having to face those issues head on can certainly rattle your skull at some point in time. For now, I am handling unnecessary emotions. The feeling of anger and what not. Been telling myself to stay focus and not get distracted. It really gets me to the bones and tickles the core. That was when I needed help yesterday.

I guess it is fate that my cable clutch snapped and had to sit outside Harbourfront alone, waiting for my mechanic to come. I really needed someone to talk to at that moment.

Up till this date, I am really proud of myself for being able to be where I want to be on my own and still be guided by my belief, faith and principles.

Now, I feel emotionless again. I try not to let people get too close to me anymore. It hurts. I just be myself in the company of new people. I told myself that I cannot behave in a certain manner just because I am with someone else. I have to be true to who I really am. Too bad if someone cannot accept the real me because I cannot pretend. It is better off to know now than to know it later.

Well, ramblings ramblings ramblings. I'm facing a battle of life. I ain't complaining. I can never turn down a great personal challenge. I just want to share. That's all. But I still can't share.

jamiel
feeling tall and proud. good job so far. keep it up.

Nirvana

The carefree me back in the old days. The free mind and mentality that allowed me to be brave in a foreign land alone.



jamiel
i still remember

Teh Gatal

I am reverting to my old-self again. Good or bad, I don't know. I hope my rebelious, daring self prove to be an asset rather than a liability. It's not easy to stay stoned and grounded when you're faced with the societal waves and not get swept away by it. Can't deny, sometimes, you'll get swayed BUT, you still gotta stay rooted to your spot and your beliefs and principles in life.

Things happening in my music scene. I will be playing at Heeren from 12noon till 1pm this coming Saturday at Cinileisure and 3pm at Heeren on Sunday. Call me for any further info ok? Any questions, just leave them on the tagboard or leave a comment.

Today's random happenings. Today is my mom's birthday. So we went to Banquet for a simple dinner. Father went to order drinks at the counter. Conversation was as followed:

F: 1 coke and 1 teh katai (extra sugar and milk I think) please.
Malay Auntie drink seller: Ok.
Young Malay girl assistance: Cik, apa itu teh "gatal"? (Auntie, what's teh "gatal"?)
MA: Bukan teh gatal, teh katai lah!
YMG: Oh, ingatkan teh gatal -gleefully continued other work-

*gatal in Malay means itchy or being flirty

jamiel
gatal

Belief

Sometimes, we lose certains things or have to give them up at some point in our life. But I believe in this, what's mine will always be mine, no matter who own's it for now.

I've proven myself right.

jamiel
nobody has ever touched my core, except for those who have passed away

Di Mana

In moments of vulnerability, I let this song take over my heart and emotions. Everybody has a song for a certain someone, a special feeling. Everybody has a song to remind them of their first kiss, their first relationship or their first break up. For me, this reminds me of my longing for someone to sing from the bottom of her heart, with sincerity and with that sincerity, I shall tear for the blessings that I have been given. I shall sing with you one day.

jamiel
what is your song?

Kangen Ama Loe

Tungguin aku y.

jamiel
selamat pagi

Na raak...

Prae was online after 6 months. Miracles do happen.

jamiel
selling his stuff to raise funds for his demo

Doaku

Woken up by a cockroach that kept on crawling up my face. In my semi groggy state, I went to pray Solat Sunat Tahajud at about 3.57am.

My doa,

"Ya Allah, temukanlah aku dengan wanita yang bisa menjauhkan aku dari maksiat.
Ya Allah, temukanlah aku dengan wanita yang bisa menyokongku di saat aku lemah.
Ya Allah, temukanlah aku dengan wanita yang bisa mendidik keturunanku menjadi keturunan yang soleh dan soleha serta bisa menyumbang bakti kepada masyarakatnya.
Ya Allah, temukanlah aku dengan wanita yang bisa menjaga orang tuaku di saat aku tiada.
Ya Allah, temukanlah aku dengan wanita itu. Amin."

Biar kalimatku ini menjadi bukti betapa perlunya aku dirimu sekarang. Ku masih menanti biarpun siapa dirimu.

jamiel
4.07am, 11.07.07, Officially Missing You (play the song on your right)

I'm back

Alhamdulillah. My part time jobs have all been freelancing ones. At least my income is flowing. Shows that I am doing.

1. Venue: The Atrium at Central (the mall outside Clarke Quay MRT station)
Date: 6th July 2007
Time: 8.45pm to 9.15pm

2. Venue: NeBo 0707 (Outside Orchards Cinileisure)
Date: 8th July 2007
Time: 6.30pm to 7.00pm

3. Venue: Acoustic Show (Awaiting Venue)
Date: 13th July 2007
Time: To be confirmed

4. Venue: Acoustic Show (Awaiting Venue)
Date: 14th July 2007
Time: To be confirmed. Maybe 8.00pm.

3. Venue: 2 Wedding Events (Awaiting Venues)
Date: 21st July 2007
Time: To be confirmed

4. Venue: Tapestry (Orchard Road)
Date: 29th July 2007
Time: To be confirmed

So, for those who wants to chill out with me, come and join me sing along to your favourite tunes. I'd be more than glad to sing your requests and dedications. Till then, I hope there are more event management companies out there who needs my humble services.

jamiel
learning german

The Nomad with No Cangkul

Options. While many relish the chance of being given options, I personally think that having options may weaken and distract you from giving your fullest attention and energy towards a certain objective. Unless you're strong headed, chances are, you might be swayed by the currents of societal pressure. Don't get drowned. Please.

Is it wrong to have an alternative, JUST in case we fail. If we do, does that mean we're indirectly preparing for failure? I am a firm believer of choosing the proper words to say to people and to one's self. Words are a powerful tool. If somebody tells me that I am stubborn, I would prefer to be called firm.

I used to tell myself that I go to school to complete my degree so that I could fall back on it IF I don't make it in music. You are already, without realizing, creating a mindset and preparing yourself for failure. The degree shouldn't be linked to my music in any way. One professional even asked me what my ambition was. When I replied that I want to be a rockstar, he smiled and asked why in the world was I doing in SMU. I gave him the "just in case I fail" reasoning and his straight answer was, "You are not ready to be one because your mindset is in the wrong direction".

It took me a while to digest. He is right. Some of us do have an inclination towards a path less taken and you KNOW that is the path that SHOULD be taken. The only problem is that, when you have other alternatives, your focus may get derailed unless you really set your sights on target.

This entry will most probably create opposing views. Sometimes, when you are left with no options, you tend to do very well in the only course of action. I think it's because you switched on your survival mode. When I was in Thailand, I could speak Thai pretty well because I had no choice. The people around my apartment could barely speak any form of English. If I wasn't faced with that situation and the people were English speaking, I wouldn't be able to ask for discounts at Jatujak market. Ever faced these sorts of situations before, where your survival mode kicked in and you outperformed yourself beyond your expectations? Funny isn't it. Right now, I'm leaving myself with no choice. Gotta steer myself straight at my targets within this 6 months and I know it's gonna be a tough ride.

jamiel
moving with only faith in your right hand