Rising to the occasion

In times like this, I sometimes find myself lonely. Unnecessary emotions claim me for reasons I just cannot comprehend. I truly needed the right people to tell me things that I need to hear, not things that I want to hear. It is really hard to let me have an epiphany because my barrier is too fortified. I need to be hit right at the core. The person who can do that, only 2. One have already passed away. The other saved my life again.

It is really a long and lonely road that I am taking. The things I have to go through are really mortifying at times, up to the point where I question my capacity to handle such stuff. But having to face those issues head on can certainly rattle your skull at some point in time. For now, I am handling unnecessary emotions. The feeling of anger and what not. Been telling myself to stay focus and not get distracted. It really gets me to the bones and tickles the core. That was when I needed help yesterday.

I guess it is fate that my cable clutch snapped and had to sit outside Harbourfront alone, waiting for my mechanic to come. I really needed someone to talk to at that moment.

Up till this date, I am really proud of myself for being able to be where I want to be on my own and still be guided by my belief, faith and principles.

Now, I feel emotionless again. I try not to let people get too close to me anymore. It hurts. I just be myself in the company of new people. I told myself that I cannot behave in a certain manner just because I am with someone else. I have to be true to who I really am. Too bad if someone cannot accept the real me because I cannot pretend. It is better off to know now than to know it later.

Well, ramblings ramblings ramblings. I'm facing a battle of life. I ain't complaining. I can never turn down a great personal challenge. I just want to share. That's all. But I still can't share.

jamiel
feeling tall and proud. good job so far. keep it up.