This is an entry dedicated to my favourite uncle, one who inspires me to be street and juz chase my wildest dreams. He was the one, who made me carry on my passion for music, a trade that has no certainty unless you have a firm head of succeeding no matter what. Guess what, he gave me that firm head.
He never fails to smile nor laugh. He never fails to be concerened about people and I still remember the night he came down to my house to visit me when i had fever as high as 39 degrees adn still didnt wanna go to the hospital. He was the only one who could make me move my ass and go to a nearby clinic.
I still cannot believe that he's gone. Leaving behind 6 kids and a wonderful wife saddens me just saddens me. I cried when i saw the kids teared for their father as they see him for one last time. i just cannot control myself. i cant even control myself as i type this now. i pity the kids especially Siti Fatimah who is just 3 years old. Her father used to hug her tight everyday and now, she feels kinda weird not having the normal daily hugs anymore.
I accepted the reality that his time has come. It's fated. Nobody can avoid that. But it is such a great loss for a man as cheerful, bubbly and knowledgable as him to leave this world in an abrupt manner. He has definitely changed my outlook in life. Being tough. Being a rebel with a good cause and how you've gotta stand up for what you really believe in and lead the life that you seek for because at the end of the day, the decision is not for them to make. It's me because only I can govern my life adn shape it to any mould that i desire. But his compassion for people never seems to surprise me. His sincerity just radiates from his actions. A man who gives but never seek to receive.
As i stood and see his motionless body, i took the chance to see his face. He made me smile despite the fact that i should be crying like the others before me. But, he looked calm and has a lil grin on his face. I cant deny that i cant hold back the tears but i was fighting it as i leaned forward to kiss his forehead for one last time. His forehead was cool and i can still feel the coldness on my lips now. It was an undescribable feeling that i have no words for.
I guess i'm one of da fortunate few who managed to see him smile before he left. i never knew how much he missed me all this while. Before he left from my cousin's function, he came up to me and gave me a good hug. He said, "I missed you a lot". Not many people says this to me and its hard for me to accept it because i've never thought of myself to be special enough to be missed by anybody. i'm just normal and dont think i've done enough for people. The few things he said that would be embedded in me till i die would be
"jamiel, if you wanna go and reach for the stars, go. don't worry about people. make me proud and make sure you have the last laugh"
strongs words that just hit me like a brick wall...
as i left his place, i accompanied my uncle in the van all the way till the cemetary and even went down to the grave to bring him down slowly to his eternal home. thats the least i could do for him and i really wanted to be there by his side until i can no longer be with him anymore. i hope he still thinks of me somewhere, somehow. the only thing i can really be sure is that he has certainly brighten up people's life because, whenever i close my eyes and think of him, he will be there, smiling and being cheerful as he had always been before.
thank you my friends who was there for me when i needed you the most. cant thank you enough.
to the man i admire, may i see you in heaven one day.
ja
in memory of rosli amri
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